24th July, 2019. No.10 has a new queen bee. Trump’s Johnson has hit the government-spot by fulfilling his ultimate fantasy – that of spraying his Brexit wet dream, all over the fractured kingdom, like a golden shower emanating from Russian asset 45’s codpiece. Roll on 31st October, 2019! Optimism is forever championed by the wealthy who always have the means to transcend the poverty of the gutters they curate.
During his coronation speech outside 10 Downing Street, the white house that loves to wear black face, whilst sporting the ‘“watermelon smiles [of] piccaninnies”’, Trump’s Johnson was heard ‘“spaffing up the wall”’, so to speak, as he blurted out the manner by which he came to secure the keys to No. 10 for the sake of his fellowmen. ‘“… Imagine Trump doing Brexit”’, I here you say, well here it is, straight from his Johnson’s mouth.
‘“I am increasingly admiring of Donald Trump. I have become more and more convinced that there is method in his madness …. [However, if I did not act,] the risk is that we [would] end up in a sort of anteroom of the EU, with an orbit around the EU, in a customs union and to a large extent in the single market. So not really having full freedom on our trade policy, our tariffs schedules, and not having freedom with our regulatory framework either, in the lunar pull of the EU. [So] I moved on her [Prime Minister May/No.10] actually. You know she was down… foolish… a disaster… a seriously low I.Q. person…. She used to be great…. A real beauty…. [But, the E.U. and] shithole countries [are] sending people that have lots of problems, and they're bringing those problems with us [sic]. When you see the other side chopping off heads, waterboarding doesn't sound very severe. They're bringing drugs. They're bringing crime… letter boxes… bank robber[s]. They're rapists. And some, I assume, are good people [like colonialists; Mohammad bin Salman et cetera]…. I moved on her [Prime Minister May/No.10] and I failed. I’ll admit it. Our country is in serious trouble. We don't have victories any more. We used to have victories but we don't have them. When was the last time anybody saw us beating, let's say, China, in a trade deal? They kill us. I beat China all the time. All the time… at whiff-whaff. I did try and fuck her [up]…. And I moved on her very heavily…. You know, a lot of people are saying that… I moved on her [Prime Minister May/No.10] like a bitch, but I could not get there…. Then all of a sudden I see her…. I will be phenomenal to the women. I mean, I want to help women…. my [chance] to be reincarnated as an olive… get it done… be a great prime minister. I mean, I want to help women…. You know I am automatically attracted to beautiful women… I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait…. The answer is there has to be some form of punishment… for the woman… yeah, there has to be some form. And when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the pussy. You can do anything… be a great [male] prime minister.”’
Poor No.10! Indeed, poor Larry! He needs to sleep with one eye opened otherwise he may ‘SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE.’ No one wants their meow grabbed by a Trump! No one!
However, poor Britannia, though! Trump’s Johnson ‘did you dirty’ and imposed ‘“The Status of Colony”’ on the United Kingdom. By retiring Prime Minister May to the back benches of the democratically elected political kitchen, a white immigrant from New York, and Bullingdon Mafioso, has sold Britannia to America like ‘“an educated black [from one of those] shithole countries”’. Don’t you just “love the poorly educated” from Trump University who ‘“who know the best words”’?
Sources: https://www.bustle.com/articles/188425-transcript-of-donald-trump-access-hollywood-host-billy-bush-talking-about-women-is-as-lewd; https://www.washingtonpost.com/video/politics/trump-on-maxine-waters-low-iq-person/2018/08/04/b7511bb8-9846-11e8-818b-e9b7348cd87d_video.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.2f72b5f517be; https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2017/nov/29/donald-trump-theresa-may-tweet-uk-us; https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2008/jan/23/london.race; https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/london-mayor-election/mayor-of-london/10909094/Boris-Johnsons-top-50-quotes.html; https://www.shortlist.com/news/most-ridiculous-trump-quotes-ever;
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-45083275; https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/london-mayor-election/mayor-of-london/2666041/Boris-Johnson-in-whiff-whaff-ping-pong-row.html; https://edition.cnn.com/2018/07/23/politics/trump-iran-intl/index.html; https://time.com/4473972/donald-trump-mexico-meeting-insult/